Divorce, Does It Really Solve It?

‘Divorce is probably as painful as death’

William Shatner

‘Divorce is a failed challenge which leads to a broken life, it is a socially transmittable disease, that can transfer from one generation to another and it is spreading fast’

SIA F. DEAN

                

Growing up,
divorce was something very alien to not just me, but to so many people especially, in our part of the world. Yes I know couples did have problems back then, you could see a man throwing his wife’s luggage outside telling her to go back to her parents, you could even see a wife threatening to leave her husband, but most times you find out families and friends would intervene and afterwards the whole saga will be over; couples going to court to dissolve their marriages was not so common.

 The increasing cases of divorce is really more than alarming. Two supposed love birds, get married today and in the next couple of months they are both screaming DIVORCE!

  Surprisingly, even those who actually went through a long period of courtship are equally  getting divorced and one is totally left confused! 
What then is the essence of courtship? You may wonder! Is courtship not a period for the to -be couple to get to know each other and see if they are compatible or not?

 I think the root problem truly is that too many  people spend a lot of time thinking about and planning the wedding rather than having  a clearer vision of the marriage itself.
 We all have to understand that marriage is totally a different ball game, it’s actually meant for mature minds, not necessary determined by age, but by maturity and readiness. One could be old enough to get married but not mature enough to take up the responsibilities of a married life.

Marriage in itself, is a school where you never stop learning! It’s a school where you must patiently study and understand all subjects (marital issues) because they will surely come, without the aid of  textbooks or learning aids. 
Whether you pass or fail depends on you and your attitude towards those challenges. It’s a school where only you will determine if you will succeed or fail. 
The simple truth is that only you can decide whether to stay married and make it work or get divorced.

  The psychological effect of  divorce alone makes it scary, the effect on the children? Traumatic.
 I think the children most times are the worst hit by our decision to get divorced. They are torn in the middle, left confused and wishing mummy and daddy could just be together again. In the quest for our own happiness, freedom and all that, we seem to fail in realising that the children can see, they can also feel, they are entitled to be loved and raised by both parents in a home and not in two separate homes. 
Raising children together as parents in our world today, comes with a handful of  challenges and it's not what a single parent should willingly indulge in.

The effect of divorce on the children is really devastatingly and many grow up with a lot of anger and sometimes hatred for the opposite sex. Some end up never believing in marriage or if they happen to be married, they see no reason why they should put in extra effort to make it work.
They also probably end up being divorced and the whole thing becomes a cycle.

But is  marriage really about issues, and challenges? Certainly NOT. Being married, brings you unimaginable happiness, so much love, ability to sharing and give without any expectation, laughter, peace, fun, and when the kids come, the joy becomes immeasurable, so why decide to give all these up?

  You see, often times, the change (s) we want to see in our spouse, actually should start with us. If you want a more loving husband/wife be more loving. If you want him/her to listen more, you listen and pay more attention, if you want care, show him/her how to care. if you want respect, you respect him/her.
Human beings are not robots, they feel and they see, they reciprocate when you are nice to them and so does your spouse.

If we can just let go of our pride, and be a bit more tolerant, understanding and determined to make our marriage work, not only for our sake, but for the sake of the next generation (our children), who we have the responsibility of bringing up, to become responsible adults and for the sake of those who look up to us, divorce will never be an option, because two will always be better than one.